Man Cave Madness

by Mandy Weger on March 27, 2011

Mike and I watch a lot of HGTV, mostly House Hunters and House Hunters International since those are the shows on during the time slots we’re able to watch weekday evenings.  One thing we’re both super peeved about is all of this discussion on how the man of the house needs a “Man Cave.”

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I’m always reminded of the “Man’s Kitchen” episode of Home Improvement when I think of man caves.  Can you hear the grunting too, or is it just me?

Don’t get me wrong, I think that everyone needs a little space sometimes to breathe and enjoy their hobbies and interests in solitude, but why is this trend leaning only toward men’s need for a “Man Cave?”  I’ve never once heard a woman say “If this new house doesn’t have a craft room/reading nook/reflection space for ME and ME only, it’s a dealbreaker.”  I also haven’t seen women look in horror at their husbands when they suggest using a large space of their home for their man cave instead of as a playroom/family space for their children, as I probably would.

But while we don’t have children, we’re still very put-off by this presumptuous and rude mentality–aren’t we equals in our relationship?  Would Mike need an entire room to escape from me during our time together after work and on the weekends?  Maybe it’s just him–he doesn’t like to play video games and he’s not one to sit in front of the TV all day for sports games, so a man cave for him just seems silly and wasteful.

Then again, if he did prize video games and sports and had a need for a man cave instead of a love for wine, gardening, cooking, and spending time with me and the dogs, we might not have been right for each other in the first place.

So here’s what I’m asking…Am I the only one who is disgusted by the thought of a man cave?  Would you feel comfortable with your husband/significant other having a room with its sole purpose being to escape from you and the family to do “man things?”  Or do I have it wrong?  Is it a part of a healthy relationship to have that space away from each other?  What do you think?

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  • http://www.loveandrenovations.com Amanda

    I’m totally with you on this one. I think the whole idea of man caves is just so incredibly ridiculous. We definitely spend time apart when we are at the house, but we don’t need to designate spots in the house that are just for one of us!

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  • http://homesweethopkins.blogspot.com Jill

    I love hearing about various home lives and what they do together/separately. It intrigues me how differently couples relate to one another.

    We have a “man cave.” We didn’t have one in our old house and I didn’t have a craft room in our old house. We were lucky enough to be able to afford a great house with enough space for both of us to spread out. It works well for us. Unfortunately, he likes video games. I don’t. I’m glad he has somewhere to go and shut the door so I don’t have to hear them. He’s awesome about delegating time, though..he’s not one of those guys who I hear about (friends husbands, even) who get so sucked up into their games that they disappear for 4-6 hours at a time!! We eat meals together, we spend QT together but we really like our alone time. I like that he has his “man cave” because when he’s in there, I have pretty much every other room in the house to myself! :)

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  • http://loveandtransitions.wordpress.com Audrey

    I’m with you! I hate the idea of the “man cave”. I feel that everyone needs their time apart, but do you really need an entire room dedicated to that? I don’t think so.

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  • http://hemborgwife.wordpress.com/ Bailie Marie

    My husband and I also hate the phrase, I agree it seems unequal and like you when we are home we spend time together and if he wants to play video game I can sit and read and still enjoy the same space!

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  • http://www.patkerhausroles.wordpress.com amy @ parker haus roles

    We also are disgusted by man caves. Matt wonders why the man only has influence over one room why not be involved together in the whole house. Also why have a room dedicated to spending time away from the family? I love my husband!

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  • http://www.therecomesayes.com colleen

    Space is so limited here that of course the whole concept is an impossibility!

    I was reading something about the evolution of the suburban home and why the houses are so large and have so many rooms: because lacking the amenities of the city, you need somewhere to “go.” So maybe in lieu of not being able to walk down the street to meet guys for drinks, the “man cave” became a necessary addition? I have no idea!

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    Mandy Reply:
    March 28th, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    @Colleen: That’s a very interesting point! I’m sure city-living offers a very different living environment as a couple than suburban living. Right now, Mike and I are pretty isolated in the suburbs and really rely on each others’ company. I’m sure if we had a bunch of friends within walking or subway distance, we might find ourselves in a different situation and he might invite his guy friends over to hang out more often. Though, I still think that he shouldn’t be the only one to enjoy a cool room to himself!!

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  • http://loveandrenovations.com Corey

    I like the idea of a man cave. But I prefer my definition. It would be a room that could be closed off and made absolutely dark. It would have plenty of seating for everyone and might even have a bar area. It would be the ultimate in movie watching and game playing rooms. I guess it would be more of an entertainment cave because I would want Amanda to join me. It would need to be relatively sound proof because well I am loud and when I play video games I tend either bother Amanda with my volume or keep her awake on my game nights. This way we don’t have to sacrifice design in the main living space to accommodate our enormous eye sore of a TV (that we can’t live without).

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  • http://www.lazykitchenette.com Jess

    I’m with Corey on this one. I think I’d like an “entertainment cave” vs. a “man cave”. My parents have a theater in the basement and it’s where the family gathers. I’d love to have something like that when we get a house. What I don’t agree with is architecturally segregating yourself in a room where your wife/family doesn’t feel welcome.
    I’d love a space where Chris could play video games so I can watch a musical every once in a while without having to hear lasers going off in the middle of Funny Girl. But I think couples have to be very careful about it. I know, probably better than anyone, that a man cave is a dangerous thing if it turns into a place where a man goes to get away from his wife. If you ask your man why he wants a cave and he says he needs it to “escape”, “relax”, or “have his own space”, you’re in trouble. These are all things that he should be able to do with his wife-and your whole house should feel like it’s his space too. I know that if we had a man cave, Chris wouldn’t use it if I didn’t go with him so I guess it wouldn’t be much of a man cave anyway.

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  • http://barbride.wordpress.com Monica

    I don’t feel really strongly about the concept like you do, though I agree it seems somewhat odd – I think the name is a bit off-putting. I like the entertainment cave idea, too!

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