Why I’m keeping my name, but that’s not where the decision-making ends

It’s been 16 months since our wedding and I haven’t changed my name.

Growing up, I always thought that I would take my husband’s name. I’m not a doctor or a lawyer or a writer with important published works under my name. My name isn’t particularly awesome or bad-ass, but I like it because it’s neutral and short. Weger. Way-grr. Everyone pronounces it wrong, but it’s not the end of the world when they do (except my last boss never ever EVER said my last name right, and you’d think after a year and a half of trying to gently correct her it would have sunk in, but no).

But regardless of my feelings for my last name, I was going to change my name to my husband’s because…that’s what you do. I even paid for the Miss now Mrs service that apparently helps you get all of the paperwork together for the name change. I wouldn’t really know because I never used it.

And here I am, still with my last name, 16 months after my wedding. Why didn’t I change it?

1. Right after our wedding, we booked plane tickets for Amanda and Corey’s wedding in Texas. I couldn’t change my name then because my plane ticket needed to match my ID.
2. In January, after Amanda and Corey’s wedding, we first got wind of a possible move to Spain, and it was possible that it could start as early as March (ha!). I didn’t think I’d have time to get all of my paperwork done then. When March came, we would be leaving in April, by April we wouldn’t be leaving until August, and then August turned into October. Now we’re living in Spain and I’m unable to go through the process at this point.

So those are the practical reasons why I didn’t change my name. I suppose I could still change it when I go back home and it would be no big deal at all.

Except….

I don’t like Mike’s last name. Even Mike isn’t a big fan of his last name. If he didn’t have his government clearances in his current last name, he might even change his name to something completely different because he just doesn’t like it very much.

And the biggest reason why I’m not changing my name?

Mike doesn’t want me to.

That was pretty surprising to me, honestly. Mike’s reasons were that his family ruined my wedding in almost every way possible and didn’t respect me long before that. His relationship with his parents has been stressful since he started to become more independent from them as an adult. We’ve cut off ties completely with them and I could never imagine being a part of their family after the way they’ve treated us. I was never, and will most likely never be, welcome into his family. That doesn’t give me much incentive to take a name I’m already not thrilled with. Add that Mike is against me taking his name for the above reasons, and it looks like I’m staying a Weger.

It makes me a little sad in some ways because I always pictured having a family name. It’s not groundbreaking stuff for a woman to keep her name these days, so it’s not that bad, but just not what I had expected for myself. At the same time, taking their name feels a little repulsive to me. I wish I didn’t have such a strong gut reaction to it, but I do.

And then the next big question is what will our children be named? Will they take Mike’s name even though he’s deemed it not good enough for me to take? Will they take my name and confuse everyone by not being named after their father? Will Mike be harassed by a macho-man type who thinks it’s figurative castration that his children don’t have his name?

I have to admit, it does sound better to me to name my children after my family. It sounds much nicer to honor my family who has been there for us through everything, who have supported us and loved us no matter what. It sounds more special to me to make the conscious choice of naming my children after people who we respect, admire and love rather than people who have treated us like dirt. I would be happy knowing that my children would be connected to and loved by the people with whom they share a last name.

But the social implications of going against tradition can be irritating to manage. The questions of “why” we chose what we did would be prevalent throughout our lives, and I know that I definitely don’t want to relate our family issues to every curious person. Would the answer “it’s just what we chose to do” be good enough? Would people judge me as some sort of controlling whacko who didn’t let her children take her husband’s name?

Or is it just a name? Should they take their father’s because it’s simply the way the world works? Is it not worth bucking tradition because it’s easier? Is it not worth the frustration of people judging us for making a nontraditional choice? Am I overanalyzing the importance of a name? (Okay, don’t answer that–I know I am. But I still have strong negative feelings when I think about taking the name of people who hate us.)

Of course we have time before we have to figure everything out, but it is important to me for us to come to some conclusion about this. Mike is not opposed to our future children taking my name, but is just unsure of how to deal with the questions and judgement that might come as a result of that decision. We’ve already agreed on not hyphenating our children’s names, though it would probably be more socially acceptable than the children taking my name.

Oh, what a world we live in. What would you think of children who have their mother’s name and not their father’s? Is it as big of a deal as I fear it might be, or is it not so bad? What assumptions would you make about me or Mike based off of what last name we give our children?

I don’t know whether others’ opinions will influence our ultimate decision, but I am curious about how we might be perceived. No matter what, I think we’ll make the right decision for us, whatever it may be.

We Were on a Break…

Oops. I suppose I’m supposed to apologize for not writing here in awhile, but the break was kind of nice, actually! I’ve been pretty productive recently and it feels great! I don’t want to abandon this blog though, so I’m going to get back to updating it as often as possible.

Our trip down to the South of Spain was successful! After a few days of being routed and rerouted to different buildings, different departments, we weren’t sure that we were going to get our official paperwork. It was pretty stressful and frustrating to be in lines for hours and hours only to be told that we had been given form A to fill out and we needed form B.

But it’s done. We’re legal. We have awesome stamps in our passports now, I have an ID card that will get me on any international US naval base and we both passed our driver’s tests! We have to wait 3 months for our licenses to arrive. No one said that the Spanish government was in a hurry, huh?

Speaking of the slowness of Spain, our Christmas packages that were being held up in customs have officially been sent back to the US. I think. I just hope they make it back to my parents because I don’t want the money they spent on us for Christmas to be lost. That would be pretty tragic.

So we’ve been here for nearly three months now, and I’m no fan of exactly how things are run in this country because every step of the way has been painful, frustrating, annoying and pretty awful.

BUT. But. I can say that when I try to put those feelings aside, I’m starting to get more used to living here. I like it even. There was never any doubt that this would be superior to the beauty of New Jersey, and it is really, very beautiful. The weather is getting nicer and less rainy, and I am getting excited to experience this area of Spain in the Spring and Summer because I think it’ll be awesome. I’ve made a couple of new Spanish friends recently, and having those companions to talk to has also certainly made my outlook on life a little sunnier.

The view from our bedroom is still breathtaking.

I’ve even started a new blog project which will be very different from this personal blog, and I’m so excited to tell you guys about it, but it’s not ready yet. From this new project, I also have the opportunity to do some freelance writing for a local Philadelphia magazine, which I’m hoping works out because that would be so exciting for me to be published.

I’m happy to be back! Be on the lookout for a few more posts this week because I’m feeling inspired!

My Big Important Dreams in 2012

As I lay in bed last night thinking about the new year, I realized that I want to look back on 2012 as a time of growth & achievement.

I’m 25 years old and I’m starting to realize that all of the Big Important Dreams I’ve had will only come true if I work really, really hard at them. And honestly? I haven’t been doing such a great job at that. I always assumed that “things would work out” in my favor, but unless I work at it, that may not be the case.

My Big Important Dreams have been changing dramatically over the last few years. Instead of a luxurious home with fame, fortune, designer labels and summer homes, my Big Important Dreams have actually become Modest Important Dreams. I’ve grown up and realized what’s really, truly important to me.

My Big Important Dreams:

1. Be my own boss
2. If I can’t be my own boss, work for a company with ideals and philosophies that match my own
3. Do something creative and inspire others
4. Have the ability to stay/work at home with my children in their early years, work around their schedule as they grow
5. Despite working around my children’s schedule, have a satisfying and personally fulfilling career
6. Live near a city I love
7. Bring extra money into the household that will allow us more comfort and stability
8. Travel and appreciate the world around me

Now that I’m in Spain and have no career, I have a lot of self-reflection time. I know that the perfect career for me won’t just drop into my lap, and if I ever want to be my own boss, I will have to make that happen for myself. If I want the freedom and flexibility to raise a family the way I want, then I have to start working toward that now, before I even have children. If I want to have it all, I have to work at it myself. I have to act.

I don’t want to be one of those people with Big Important Dreams but don’t have the Big Important Work Ethic to achieve them. I don’t want to blame circumstances or other people or anything for not going for what I want in life. Here I am with all of the time in the world to pursue my Big Important Dreams, and so 2012 will be the year that I lay the groundwork.

I have some projects that I’m working on that have excited me and made me happy. I have both long and short-term goals. I have a plan A and a plan B, both of which I think are realistic to achieve if I work hard. I have a supportive husband, I have the time, and I (think) I have the money to try.

So here’s to 2012. I hope that it is an inspiring year. I hope that it’s a year that I try a lot harder than I did in 2011. I hope that it’s a year that I can look back on and be proud of myself.

How are you adjusting your dreams as you get older?

Thankful

This morning, it was a little difficult to remember to be thankful when I woke up to the smell of horrible, terrible, incredibly strong puppy vomit.

All over a couch that isn’t ours.

But my wonderful husband fought his dry heaves and cleaned it up. So I’m thankful for that But then I got my turn later when Zoe puked again in her cage.

In all seriousness, here’s what I’m thankful for in my life right now:

1. Mike. For said vomit-cleanup as well as for the many, many other things he does on a daily basis to make me happy. He’s a wonderful person and I feel so lucky that he’s mine. 
2. My parents. They take the time to do video chats with us multiple times a week so we all don’t feel too far apart. I miss them like crazy and I’m so thankful for the loving guides that they are to us. They’ve listened to our many many distresses over the last few years and always manage to help us out. 
3. My family in the Midwest. I miss my sister and my brother-in-law and I miss my extended family, since holidays without them just aren’t the same. I miss my Grandma’s cooking and I miss hanging out with my cousins. I’m thankful to have them in my life because I know no matter where we are in the world, or even if we miss this Thanksgiving, they’ll love us just the same and they’ll just be happy to see us the next time around. 
4. Our opportunities to travel. As frustrating as all of the red tape was and still is here in Spain, I am so thankful that we have the opportunity to live here and the opportunity to travel beyond Spain. Mike and I truly love the adventure, it brings us closer together as a couple, and it expands our minds as individuals.
5. 
6. Our dogs. Even when they’re sick and even when they’re bad, and even when they’re so stubborn and won’t do anything we say, I am so thankful to have them in my life. They bring me happiness every single day. 
7. I’m thankful to all of my friends, both online and in real life who have been there to help me still feel connected even though I’m so far away. Having this blog helps me on some of the lonelier days, and I truly appreciate every comment that comes my way.

I won’t wax on and on about all of the other things I’m grateful for, but I thought I’d hit on the major ones.

I’m excited for my Thanksgiving dinner tonight!! Things are coming together quite nicely and I hope that my timing is spot-on today. That’s always the worst, isn’t it? I’m afraid that everything will be cold by the time we get to the bar, or that I won’t have enough space in my oven to warm things up! I’ll just have to develop some strategies and cross my fingers.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving, all!

Happy Birthday, Mike!

My poor honey is celebrating his 28th birthday with a bad head cold and a 12 hour work day today

Since I didn’t have a card for him this year, I decided to try my hand at Prezi, which is an online presentation builder I’ve been hearing buzz about. It’s much cooler than powerpoint in that it doesn’t restrict you to slides and it’s a much cleaner, more modern look. Mike loooves him some powerpoint, so I thought I’d introduce him to Prezi by giving him a birthday presentation!

Enjoy! (you need flash to enjoy)

I’m pretty happy with how it came out, but Prezi seemed pretty glitchy to work with, was pretty slow, and it seemed to freeze up my whole computer a few times. It also signed me out after about 20 minutes of working on it, which was frustrating. Their support team told me via twitter to allow cookies, which I thought I did, but I’m happy that they at least got back to me. Overall, I really love the way Prezi is structured and will use it again. Hopefully any kinks they currently have will be ironed out soon!

Sorry, this was kind of a happy birthday and a review of a product in the same post. Hope you don’t mind, honey I thought this might be a fun way to plan out our vacations in the future since we currently use powerpoint for our itineraries.

I love you, Mike! I hope you have a good birthday despite not feeling well and working late tonight. I’ll have a delicious dinner waiting for you when you get home!!

Long Lost Gems

I’m glad I’m not the only picture hoarder!! While cleaning up some photos from my computer yesterday, I came across some real gems that give you a glimpse into my past selves

They made me giggle, so I thought I’d share them!

My very first webcam! I was 13 or 14 in this picture with my sister…note the Nsync posters in the background!

When I turned 15, I got a room makeover including a mural of NYC on my wall & a vintage candy machine. Oh, and I had a little image makeover too and thought I was a punk-rocker. I was super hardcore.

My freshman year dorm room…can you tell I worked at a movie theatre and got some free posters?

One of my first college parties…I was such a classy double-fister!

Working on my first 16mm film!

I didn’t wear my first wedding dress on my wedding day…I dressed as an 80′s bride with a used wedding dress one halloween.

Mike and I at the top of the volcano in St. Kitts–I just barely made it up alive!

I didn’t want to march at my graduation, so Mike was the only one who saw me get my diploma.

The cutest little old lady twins you’ve ever seen (at Coney Island)

An awesome picture I took at Six Flags’ animal safari…the giraffe literally stuck his head in my window! I wasn’t supposed to roll down the window, but this pic made it worth it.

The puppies when we first brought them home! They were very clingy to each other at this point before they really figured out that this was their home. All of those stuffed animals were obliterated by them shortly after.

Oh, Zoe…we can always count on you to keep things interesting around here.

Still keeping it classy and having fun after all these years!

I actually had a much more fun time going through my pictures than I thought I would. I still haven’t deleted quite enough, but I found myself so caught up in reliving it all that I didn’t want to delete as many as I thought I would! I’ll get back into it tomorrow, but I have a feeling I’ll still want to keep quite a few around since I had such a great time looking through them.

Have you gone through old pictures on your computer? Have you found some real gems of yourself too?

A Picture Problem

I’ve had my Macbook for about 5 years now & it’s served me well, but…well…I’m ready to move on. It’s getting to be a bit slow, some of the plastic has chipped off of the case, it’s dirty, the mouse clicker thing is permanently half-depressed at all times making it difficult to click, and I only have about 6 GB of storage left on my hard drive.

So, my lovely husband agreed that I need a new computer! Macs are my love even though they’re ridiculously expensive, so this time I’ll be getting a 15 inch macbook pro. Since we’re planning on buying it in Tax-free Delaware (score!) very soon, I’m faced with the decision of whether or not I want to transfer the information I currently have on my macbook to this new computer.

And honestly, I really don’t want to.

Mostly because of my pictures. See, every time I take photos with my camera, I take quite a few in quick succession. Then, I weed through the bad ones and pick the good ones that I want to share/post/whatever IF I even do that. And I don’t delete the bad photos. Mostly, every picture I’ve taken in the last five years, good or bad, is sitting on my computer doing nothing. Five years of this behavior and a LOT of pictures later, I’ve completely clogged up my computer with pictures that don’t mean a whole lot anymore.

Seriously?? Seriously??? How many of the EXACT same picture do I need on my computer from us in 2008? Multiply this problem by a million. A billion if we’re talking about pictures of our dogs.

So. I have a lot of reorganizing to do because a)I would like to bring SOME photos over to my new computer and b)it’d be nice to free up some space on this computer so we can use it as a backup computer/personal computer for Mike since he only has a work laptop.

Do you keep your pictures organized, or is your computer a mess of the same photos over and over again as well? Do you have any tips on how to go through these in the most efficient way?

Whip my Hair

Ever since the wedding, oh, eight months ago, I’ve said nearly every week “I should get a haircut.”

But I never did, and my hair just kept growing and growing and then…it kind of became a mess.

Please excuse the poor computer-webcam quality of the image.  I’m in the process of learning how to use my tripod so I can take proper pictures of myself and post them everywhere.

Sooo, yeah, it was just a little too long.  The longest it had ever been, in fact!  Traditionally, I’ve kept my hair fairly short:

So I thought it was time to go back to that.  Especially since I tend to be the kind of person who doesn’t schedule salon appointments until I absolutely *have* to.  If I go shorter, it means I go longer in between hair appointments!  Sounds good to me.

Since I’m now free on the weekdays, I also pretty much had no excuse to put this off any longer.

Ready to see my summer cut?

It’s always SO nervewracking to get my hair cut.  I’ve had such nightmare stories with my hair and tend not to trust ANYONE with it.   All in all, I like it!  It feels much more “me” than the long hair did.  The long hair felt more like an experiment than a real hairstyle, and it was getting ridiculously hot to wear it down.

Do you get your hair cut often, or do you let it go until you can’t take it anymore?  Do you usually change your hair for summer?

Dear Husband…

Never.

Ever.

Allow me to buy lotion again.

I don’t care if I’m dying of the plague and I think the only thing that will save me is a new bottle of lotion.  I don’t need it.

And you, my love…

You are never ever allowed to buy gum again.

Ever.

We have issues.

Jill of all Trades?

Today is my last day of work!!  Scary, but I’m also kinda excited.  It seems like the last day of school and I feel a little lost, like I should have a yearbook for people to sign or something.

In honor of my last day of work, I thought I’d put together a post about all of the jobs I’ve held since I started working at age 15!

• Build-A-Bear Workshop (age 15). Build-A-Bear was the only store in the mall that would hire 15 year-olds, so I jumped at the opportunity to get out of the house and make money.  I was fired after a little over a year–apparently I missed a mandatory meeting because my parents took me to my Grandparents’ house over the Thanksgiving holiday.  Pshh I didn’t need them anyway.
• Rave Motion Pictures Movie Theater (16-17). I actually really loved this job, even though I was an usher and just cleaned up after other people.  I didn’t have to deal with customers, got free movies & popcorn, and was promoted to a supervisor position!  I totally let the power go to my head though.  I was fired after I badmouthed a manager (behind her back) in front of other employees…she overheard me and I got the axe.  I wasn’t getting off to such a good start in my working life, huh?
• Teen Assistant for a Writing Camp (15-18). For a few weeks every summer, I was an assistant at an all girls writing camp.  My job was to encourage girls aged 8-12 in their writing.  It was one of my favorite jobs by far that I ever had.
• Writing Center Assistant, then Tutor (18-21). My freshman year of college, I started working in the writing center at Drexel, scheduling tutoring appointments for kids to get help with their writing.  I eventually became a tutor myself where I met two of my bridesmaids, Lea and Jess!
• Screenwriting Camp Assistant (18 & 19). Drexel held a camp for highschool students looking to learn more about screenwriting.  I did it for two summers as an assistant and an RA.
• Video Equipment Room Assistant (19). I checked out video equipment for my fellow film students.
• Maid (19). Yeah, that’s right.  I was a maid.  I answered an ad on Craigslist and went to this old German gay dude’s house to clean.  Smart, I know.  Anyway, the guy had paintings of naked men EVERYWHERE around his home, made me count in German before he would pay me, and had fuzzy handcuffs chained to his bed.  I only went three times before I quit.  SUPER creepy.
• Wedding Bartender, Jeffery Miller Catering (19-20). I went to bartending school at the ripe age of 19–before I could even drink myself (legally).  I got a job as a bartender for one of Philly’s largest catering companies.  It was HARD work setting up for weddings!  I was so oblivious to wedding culture at the time though, I rarely paid attention to the bride, groom or wedding details.  I came, did my job, barely noticed what it was FOR, and left.
• Intern, Humble Journey Films (20). When I went to LA for my 6 month internship, I found two jobs and thought I was hot shit.  I quit this job after three weeks.  I worked for Eriq La Salle and he was probably the biggest douchenugget I’ve ever met in my whole life–oh, the stories I could tell about him!  On my first day, Don Cheadle called the office.  I had to answer the phone, having never answered phones at a job before.

Me: “Humble Journey Films! How can I help you?”
Don Cheadle: “I need to speak with Eriq”
(Eriq isn’t in the office and his assistant is on the phone.  I panic)
Me: “I’m sorry, he’s unavailable at the moment, may I take a message and have him call you back?”
Don Cheadle: “Yes, this is Don Cheadle, have him call me.”
Me: (Jawdrop) “I’m sorry, what was your name?”
Don Cheadle: (veeery slowly and patronizing) “DOON CHEEAAADLLLLE”
Me: “Okay, of course.  And can I have your number?”
Don Cheadle: (silence) “He has it.”
Me: “Okay, thank you, have a nice day!”

I about DIED.  And then I had to tell the assistant who had called.  She cursed me out like I’ve never heard before in my life, so angry that I didn’t forward the call to her.  I thought I was going to be fired then and there on my first day.  It was humiliating.  I have SO many stories from just those three weeks…oh, it was bad.

• Intern, Fortress Features (20): This was my other internship while I was out in LA.  I read scripts that would come in and wrote summaries of the good ones to pass on to my bosses.  One movie I recommended actually came out a few months ago with Jake Gyllenhall called “Source Code.”  My company didn’t pick the script up, but someone else apparently did!  Anyway, this job was okay, but my bosses didn’t really ever try to connect with me.  I hated the “too good for you” attitude that was so rampant in the film industry (Don Cheadle, anyone?).  After my two internships, I realized that LA life just wasn’t for me.
• Grateful Dogs Daycare (20): Since my two internships were unpaid, I got a third job working at a cage free dog daycare while I was in LA.  Here is where I learned almost everything I know about how to handle and train dogs.
• Sniffles and Friends Dog Walking (21): When I got back to Philly after my internship, I started my senior year of college.  Since I had the experience working at the dog daycare, I immediately got a job as a dog walker.  It was awesome.  Flexible hours, I got to see inside rich people’s houses, and it kept me active.  Loved it.
• Marketing Assistant, Greater Media Philadelphia (21-23). I worked at five Philly radio stations for a year and a half in the marketing department.  I did mostly web work, managing content for various sites, and I put together sales recaps for the salespeople.  Really amazing perks to the job, like meeting celebrities and going to free concerts, but there was no room for growth and I wanted a bigger challenge.
• Web Specialist, Stonhard Flooring (23-24). I’ve been here at Stonhard for a year and a half now.  My main job was to redesign their website, which I had no experience doing before I got here.  I worked it out though and launched their new website, so I’m proud of the work I did.

Wow!!  14 jobs in just under a decade.  Overall, I feel good about the experiences I’ve had working for most of these companies since I learned a lot from each opportunity.  I was a hard worker throughout college and highschool, and I think it definitely led to the success I’ve enjoyed in the “real world.”

Have you held a number of odd jobs?  What’s the strangest job you’ve ever held?  I’d have to say the strangest one for me was being a Maid…followed quickly by my short stint at Humble Journey Films.