Why I’m keeping my name, but that’s not where the decision-making ends

It’s been 16 months since our wedding and I haven’t changed my name.

Growing up, I always thought that I would take my husband’s name. I’m not a doctor or a lawyer or a writer with important published works under my name. My name isn’t particularly awesome or bad-ass, but I like it because it’s neutral and short. Weger. Way-grr. Everyone pronounces it wrong, but it’s not the end of the world when they do (except my last boss never ever EVER said my last name right, and you’d think after a year and a half of trying to gently correct her it would have sunk in, but no).

But regardless of my feelings for my last name, I was going to change my name to my husband’s because…that’s what you do. I even paid for the Miss now Mrs service that apparently helps you get all of the paperwork together for the name change. I wouldn’t really know because I never used it.

And here I am, still with my last name, 16 months after my wedding. Why didn’t I change it?

1. Right after our wedding, we booked plane tickets for Amanda and Corey’s wedding in Texas. I couldn’t change my name then because my plane ticket needed to match my ID.
2. In January, after Amanda and Corey’s wedding, we first got wind of a possible move to Spain, and it was possible that it could start as early as March (ha!). I didn’t think I’d have time to get all of my paperwork done then. When March came, we would be leaving in April, by April we wouldn’t be leaving until August, and then August turned into October. Now we’re living in Spain and I’m unable to go through the process at this point.

So those are the practical reasons why I didn’t change my name. I suppose I could still change it when I go back home and it would be no big deal at all.

Except….

I don’t like Mike’s last name. Even Mike isn’t a big fan of his last name. If he didn’t have his government clearances in his current last name, he might even change his name to something completely different because he just doesn’t like it very much.

And the biggest reason why I’m not changing my name?

Mike doesn’t want me to.

That was pretty surprising to me, honestly. Mike’s reasons were that his family ruined my wedding in almost every way possible and didn’t respect me long before that. His relationship with his parents has been stressful since he started to become more independent from them as an adult. We’ve cut off ties completely with them and I could never imagine being a part of their family after the way they’ve treated us. I was never, and will most likely never be, welcome into his family. That doesn’t give me much incentive to take a name I’m already not thrilled with. Add that Mike is against me taking his name for the above reasons, and it looks like I’m staying a Weger.

It makes me a little sad in some ways because I always pictured having a family name. It’s not groundbreaking stuff for a woman to keep her name these days, so it’s not that bad, but just not what I had expected for myself. At the same time, taking their name feels a little repulsive to me. I wish I didn’t have such a strong gut reaction to it, but I do.

And then the next big question is what will our children be named? Will they take Mike’s name even though he’s deemed it not good enough for me to take? Will they take my name and confuse everyone by not being named after their father? Will Mike be harassed by a macho-man type who thinks it’s figurative castration that his children don’t have his name?

I have to admit, it does sound better to me to name my children after my family. It sounds much nicer to honor my family who has been there for us through everything, who have supported us and loved us no matter what. It sounds more special to me to make the conscious choice of naming my children after people who we respect, admire and love rather than people who have treated us like dirt. I would be happy knowing that my children would be connected to and loved by the people with whom they share a last name.

But the social implications of going against tradition can be irritating to manage. The questions of “why” we chose what we did would be prevalent throughout our lives, and I know that I definitely don’t want to relate our family issues to every curious person. Would the answer “it’s just what we chose to do” be good enough? Would people judge me as some sort of controlling whacko who didn’t let her children take her husband’s name?

Or is it just a name? Should they take their father’s because it’s simply the way the world works? Is it not worth bucking tradition because it’s easier? Is it not worth the frustration of people judging us for making a nontraditional choice? Am I overanalyzing the importance of a name? (Okay, don’t answer that–I know I am. But I still have strong negative feelings when I think about taking the name of people who hate us.)

Of course we have time before we have to figure everything out, but it is important to me for us to come to some conclusion about this. Mike is not opposed to our future children taking my name, but is just unsure of how to deal with the questions and judgement that might come as a result of that decision. We’ve already agreed on not hyphenating our children’s names, though it would probably be more socially acceptable than the children taking my name.

Oh, what a world we live in. What would you think of children who have their mother’s name and not their father’s? Is it as big of a deal as I fear it might be, or is it not so bad? What assumptions would you make about me or Mike based off of what last name we give our children?

I don’t know whether others’ opinions will influence our ultimate decision, but I am curious about how we might be perceived. No matter what, I think we’ll make the right decision for us, whatever it may be.

Year One

A year ago, I dressed up in a pretty dress and my husband asked me if I could wear it every day since I looked so beautiful.

I was surrounded by family and friends on a beautiful day.

I had fun walking around my favorite city with my husband while we just so happened to have some wonderful photos taken of ourselves.

We ate wonderful food and danced.

And our wedding wasn’t perfect. It was far, far from perfect. But we made it through, a united front.

Photo courtesy of a friend

Our wedding was a hard day in many ways, but if it told us anything about our relationship, we knew that we were strong and that we would last.

Our wedding day was not the best day of our lives, but I would still go through it all again today if it meant that I could spend the rest of my life with my wonderful husband. In one week, we are embarking on another great adventure–we’re moving to Spain! It will be a test of many things for us as individuals and as a couple, but there’s no one that I would rather do this with than Mike.

Mike, you are truly my better half, the man who makes me a better person, a more patient person, a happier person. I love you for everything you are, and you are so, so many things!

You are:

• Enthusiastic
• Ambitious
• Supportive of everything I do
• So organized it drives me crazy sometimes
• The best travel planner in the world
• A silly, playful doggie daddy
• Creative
• Always willing to do the right thing
• Patient
• Open and honest about your feelings
• A wonderful sous chef
• A very, very good man

I am married to a wonderful person, and I can’t wait to see what is next for us. I love you Mike, happy anniversary!

All photos by Georgi Anastasov unless noted

How Planning a Wedding Changed Me

I know I kinda dropped off the face of the blog-world, sorry!  Some crazy things have been happening lately, but I do have a couple more posts to share with you guys before I say goodbye!

When I got engaged on September 7, 2009 at the top of Mont Blanc, I was ridiculously excited to start planning our wedding.

At the time of this photo, I had NO IDEA how much I would change over the next year and a half as I went from engaged to married.

The Miss Socks in that photo was a year out of college with a good job but she didn’t have a creative outlet. She didn’t know that planning a wedding would open up a world of creativity, community and deep personal satisfaction. She also didn’t know just how much her love for Mr. Socks could and would grow as they planned their wedding and lives together. In fact, the Miss Socks in that photo was probably thinking about the fact that she didn’t have her real ring yet to show off.  She could be a little petty like that

In the year and eight months since that photo was taken, I can say without hesitation that I have grown personally, professionally and emotionally.

Yes, the whole fiasco with Mr. Socks’ family definitely contributed to many of these changes, but blogging affected me just as much, if not more. Blogging opened up the door for me to write again, which I hadn’t since I had graduated college. Writing was such a passion of mine, but when I graduated, burnt out and without professors and deadlines to pressure me, I stopped writing even for myself.

Blogging pushed me to be more creative, it pushed me to do the best that I could even on the silliest of projects because it wasn’t just me seeing the end result–I had to show off for you guys, too!  My projects provided a creative outlet, my blogging provided a sense of accomplishment, and Mr. Socks encouraged me in every endeavor.

I’m a happier, more confident and creative person from having planned our wedding and blogging about it.  I’ve taken the energy that I put into our wedding plans and am applying it to other aspects of our lives.  My wedding planning actually made me into a better life-planner!

Did planning your wedding have as big of an impact on you as it did for me?

Dressed to the Nines, Married on the Tens: Sweaty Bride Confessions

If you remember, I confessed early on that I have hyperhidrosis…which basically means that my hands and feet sweat a ridiculous amount.  I don’t ever wear shoes without socks since it’s horribly uncomfortable, so I was concerned about wearing those pretty Kate Spades that I fell so in love with.

Here’s a reminder of the shoes.  And my awesome color coordinating skillz.

Do my feet look like they were in little puddles?  No?  Well, they were.  They were big, squishy sweaty messes.

And you know what?  I’m here to tell you how it went and that I survived being a sweaty bride.

I can remember being a little kid, and one of my biggest worries was sweating profusely on my wedding day and dripping all over my groom.  Guess what?  As I got older, that fear never went away, it just intensified despite meeting a wonderful man who never minds holding my sweaty hands.

Here’s what I did to alleviate some (not all–my condition is too severe to be completely cured even after I had surgery for it 10 years ago) of my sweating:

1. Went to the dermatologist and got some meds–one pill to help control the sweating (the pills I take on a daily basis anyway), and another to help with the swelling (a basic water pill).  Taken together, I have to pee every half hour for 4-5 hours, and I have extremely dry mouth, but after 5 hours, I feel better, my hands and feet aren’t as swollen and I sweat less.  Would I take both of these meds every day?  No, but for my wedding, the side effects were worth it.  I took them early in the morning, and by the time our photographer arrived, the worst of the side effects were over.
2. I wore socks and cowboy boots when I didn’t HAVE to be in my Kate Spades.  After the ceremony, I changed into socks and boots (privately, of course) before I let anyone even congratulate me.  Guess what?  No one noticed the change!  And, of course, because of that, I stayed true to my moniker, Mrs. Socks to the end.
3. Throughout the morning and during the photo sessions, I kept a handtowel closeby to wipe my hands on.  Sister Socks held my bouquet while I mopped at the excess sweat.  I also turned the A/C on blast in the van we rented.
4. During dinner, I held on tight to my napkin, and periodically wiped my hands off on it during the reception.  Also, Mr. Socks’ suit jacket made do for an impromptu towel at times too.
5. I have an incredible husband, family and friends who knew about my issue and did whatever they could to help.  Many people with hyperhidrosis are too embarrassed to talk about the issue, but for me, it’s just a part of who I am, so the people closest to me know all about it and always offer to help me when I need it.

So yeah, I was sweaty on my wedding day, but honestly, my mind was occupied by SO many other things, that it wasn’t at the forefront of my mind even though for my whole life, I thought it would be on that day.  I pushed through it, and even though it honestly sucked at times, I’m used to dealing with it, so it didn’t slow me down too much.

My advice to fellow sweaters is to prepare as much as possible for the day–go to a dermatologist, keep a handtowel close, tell your family and friends so they can help when you need it, and enjoy the day despite the slippery hands and feet.

Did you have to take some super sweatiness into account on your wedding day?  How did you deal with it?

Photos by Georgi Anastasov

Dressed to the Nines, Married on the Tens: Shake it Off

I used to play softball as a kid, and whenever I’d get hit by the ball (usually in the face or something), Dad Socks would tell me to “shake it off.”  Such wise advice, Dad Socks.  At my wedding, after things fell apart, Dad Socks gave me the same advice and told me not to let the villains ruin my day.

So, that’s what Mr. Socks and I tried to do as we watched almost every family member of his leave the wedding.

We dug into the ice cream bar to try to drown our sorrows.

Hot Fudge makes everything better, right?

So does a ridiculous amount of toppings.

Kinda.

It hurts for me to look at the next photos since we can see Mr. Socks’ red eyes and his family leaving in the background, so let’s rush through those:

God, I was trying SO hard to not cry that my fake smile looks ridiculous.

The Cardigans were excited for their ice cream!

Haha, Mr. Cardigan had a hard time deciding between the chocolate, vanilla and cinnamon.  They were all so good!

I officially got two bites of my ice cream in when the DJ started playing Barry Manilow’s “Mandy.”  Well, since my name is Mandy, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to dance to it, so back to the dance floor we went.

And there we stayed for the rest of the evening, trying to enjoy what was left of the night with the people we love next to us.

Apparently, Mr. Socks thought it was necessary to get more socks shots in there.  Because we haven’t seen enough of them, obviously.

Haha I wish I remembered what we were jamming to!

This might be my most favorite picture of Sister Socks EVER:

Haha she looks SO focused on the song, and I’m not sure if she has an air-microphone or if she’s marching it out.  Either way, it makes me smile every time I see it.

Everyone made such an effort to surround us with love and support for the rest of the evening, which we are eternally grateful for.

(photo from BM Lea)

But when it was time to wrap up the night, Mr. Socks and I were ready.  Sad, but ready.  I posted this photo before I even started my recaps, but it sums up everything so perfectly.

(photo from BM Lea)

All other photos by Georgi Anastasov.

So, we left our wedding at Ladder 15 to begin our marriage.

I’m not finished with my wedding recaps yet…there are few more loose ends to tie up!

Dressed to the Nines, Married on the Tens: Dance, Dance

After the parent dances, we asked everyone to join us on the dance floor, and when I say everyone, I MEAN everyone.  I wanted a photo of all of the guests at our wedding and the second floor of Ladder 15 was perfect for an overhead shot of our guests!

Well, almost all of them.  At this point, Mr. Socks’ sister and cousin started uncontrollably crying and causing a scene off to the side.  But you won’t hear me complain that I don’t have to see their faces when I look at this photo!

Here’s Mr. Socks telling me to ignore them and just have fun while BMs Jess and Lea keep an eye on the situation.

Getting all of our guests on the dance floor did provide a good way to get everyone up to start dancing though!  The Black Eyed Peas started pumping out “I Gotta Feeling” while we started busting it out on the dance floor.

Even BIL Socks, who barely danced at his own wedding got up and danced away with us!

Dad Socks had to show off his skillz too!

And yes, we did have both a football game and baseball game playing during our reception as you can see on the screen to Dad Socks’ upper left.  The Phillies were playing the Reds, which was an AWESOME combo since we got married in Philly, but I grew up in Cincinnati.  We had some huge fans on both sides of the game, so I just had to play it during the wedding.  The Eagles were also playing, so it was a good night for sports!  Plus, I think that the men at our wedding thought I was the coolest bride ever for allowing sports games to play during our wedding.

They’re totally right though…I really was the coolest bride ever.  ;-)

Momma Socks was a dancing machine!

And then, a conga line started, so I jumped in.

As we reached the end of the conga, I knew it would be time to dig into our ice cream bar, but Mr. Socks was nowhere to be seen (he was being lectured by a drunk family member).  This is also the point when a glass of champagne was thrown at me.  Aaaand it’s also about the time that the decision was made to ask Mr. Socks’ sister and cousin to leave.

And then the dominos began to fall…my in-laws started picking a fight with my parents, then with me and Mr. Socks.  At one point, Mr. Socks and I shut ourselves in a bathroom to escape the horror of what was happening.

Finally, Mr. Socks told his parents that they had to leave.  With them, they took all but four members of Mr. Socks’ family who stayed despite the drama.

I know I’m being Debbie Downer and all right now, but I don’t think I’m capable of retelling this part of my wedding story without the raw, emotional truth, so thank you for being patient with me.  It’s very difficult to strike the right balance for these posts–the day was full of such high highs and low lows that even I get emotional whiplash when I talk about it.

Mr. Socks and I devoted the rest of the evening to trying to keep each other together and salvage what was left of our day.

All photos by Georgi Anastasov

Dressed to the Nines, Married on the Tens: Speeches and Dancing

After dinner, Mr. Socks and I had asked Sister Socks and Groomsman Matt to deliver toasts.  Matt went first and kept it short, funny and sweet.  Apparently, he was nervous to deliver the speech, but did so well that I would have never known!

Sister Socks went next and she delivered a funny, wonderful speech that mostly encompassed how much she used to dupe me when I was a kid.  It was so touching and heartfelt…I should ask her for a copy of it!

After her speech, Dad Socks and I kicked the rest of the night off with our father/daughter dance.

Let me tell you guys…Dad Socks can DANCE.  He took ballroom dancing classes a few times in college and took Momma Socks for lessons a few years back.  He’s never lost his moves!  He worked so hard to come up with the right dance moves for our song, which was “Daughter” by Loudin Wainwright.

The song was a little difficult to dance to since it speeds up and slows down, but Dad Socks led me effortlessly and all of our practicing paid off!

At one point, we did a double spin, where he twirled me first, and then he twirled!  It was definitely a crowd pleaser.

I didn’t get emotional during this dance, but I remember thinking to myself to truly cherish the moment and just have fun with my Dad.  It was definitely a special moment, and I feel so lucky to have the close relationship that I do with Dad Socks.

I love you, Dad!

All photos by Georgi Anastasov.

Next up, the Black Eyed Peas played us into the rest of our reception!

Dressed to the Nines, Married on the Tens: Let’s Eat!

It was finally time for the moment I had been waiting for my entire life: to eat the food at my wedding.

That’s right…move over handsome groom and big white dress…get this bride some CHOW!

Again, I’m kicking myself over not asking for pictures of our food, but if you need a reminder, here was our menu:

Drooling yet? I know I am.

Ladder 15 served the food family-style at the tables in three courses. Originally, I thought everything would go on the table at the same time, but they really paced each section of the meal, which was PERFECT. It gave everyone plenty of time to chat and enjoy themselves between the three courses.

Of course, one of the side effects to having a very long dinner was that the family members who caused the trouble at our wedding got progressively more and more drunk as the night went on.

View the evidence, not through pictures of them that I refuse to post online, but through the facial expressions of everyone else:

Lauren: I don’t know how much more I can take of this!

Cardy: For serious, I’m gonna go stomp my Texas boots all over their asses.

Momma Socks: I am shocked and appalled that no one is stopping this behavior. I might just go over there and count to three…

Mrs. Socks (on the outside): I will continue to smile pleasantly since that is my job today.
(on the inside): HOLY $!@#% MOTHER *!#&%R WTF!!

To recap:  Food…Delicious.  Wine…Incredible.  Atmosphere…Divine.  Pacing of the meal: Perfect.

Drunkards who acted grossly inappropriate during dinner, then later threw champagne at me, broke into hysterical tears and had to be escorted out…not so awesome.

Hey, what doesn’t murder you at your wedding despite trying really hard only makes you stronger…or something…right?

Bottom line: The food was awesome.  Having a three-course seated dinner gave me and all of the (good) guests plenty of time to chat, relax, and enjoy the evening.  Mr. Socks and I had SO much fun with Sister Socks, BIL Socks, and the Cardigans who sat at our table (the rest of my bridal party was seated at a separate table).

All photos by Georgi Anastasov.

Did you/will you have a long dinner service?  Are you afraid that an open bar might lead to sketchy behavior by family or friends?

Dressed to the Nines, Married on the Tens: First Dance

Cocktail hour flew by!  Before I knew it, people were being swept downstairs and I realized I had hardly eaten any of our delicious goodies!  Ah well, we were glad to have gotten to say hello to everyone during the cocktail hour so we’d have the rest of the evening to have fun.

We opted not to do bridal party introductions and I didn’t even really want the two of us to be introduced (um, hello…it’s our wedding, people should know who we are by now) but we wanted to do our first dance right away, so to get everyone’s attention, our DJ announced us as he started the music for our first dance.

We danced to a song that isn’t very well known, but it has such a special meaning to Mr. Socks and me.  When we first started dating, I introduced Mr. Socks to the artist, Declan O’Rourke, and burned him copies of his albums.  For the first few months of our relationship, his was just about the only music we listened to.

“Galileo” is one of our favorite songs, and we had the pleasure of attending this performance of Declan’s while he was playing in New York.  We didn’t record this video, but the girl right in front of us did, and we were lucky to find it on YouTube!  We even got to meet Declan after the show and told him that we were going to dance to “Galileo” at our wedding.  He congratulated us and wished us well.  It was truly an awesome experience to meet the man who sang our first dance song!

Mr. Socks and I didn’t take any dancing classes, though we thought about it for awhile.  We taught ourselves to waltz via YouTube instructional videos, and Dad Socks helped us a bit since he’s a fantastic ballroom dancer.  We weren’t the most graceful swans in the pool, but we had fun and hearing “Galileo” made us ridiculously happy.

Mr. Socks:  The acoustics are awesome in here!

Mrs. Socks:  I love you too, honey.

Mrs. Socks:  I think I should have been the one leading us.

Mr. Socks:  I’ll let you lead for the rest of our lives…how bout give me this one dance to lead, hmm?

Mrs. Socks:  Um, you just stepped on my foot again, but okay.

After the song ended, Dad Socks gave an amazing speech that was very heartfelt and touching.

I loved his last line of the toast: “May you always be as happy as Wrigley and Zoe are when you walk in the door.” Considering how ridiculously happy our dogs are when we come home, he wished us a LOT of happiness.

All photos by Georgi Anastasov.

It was FINALLY time to eat!!

Dressed to the Nines, Married on the Tens: Cocktail Hour

Immediately after our ceremony, we took the trip up two flights of stairs at Ladder 15 where servers swooped down with tasty tidbits! Unfortunately, one thing I never asked my photographer for were pictures of the food and wine, so I don’t have any!! I’m bummed about it because one of the most important parts of our wedding was to find kickass food and drinks and I don’t have photographic evidence of it.  So if it’s something you want, be sure you ask!

Mr. Socks and I used the cocktail hour as our opportunity to make the rounds to all of our guests instead of dinner. This allowed us to get the formalities out of the way early in the evening so we could have had the rest of the evening to have fun. I definitely recommend this if you attend your cocktail hour. No, I didn’t get hardly a bite of the food at cocktail hour, but I DID get to munch on everything at dinner!

I love the photos from our cocktail hour showing everyone having fun together!

Seriously, I’ll talk about this later, but I LOVED OUR VENUE.  OMG.  LOVE.  Ladder 15 did everything right.  Everything.  I highly, highly recommend them if you’re looking for somewhere in Philly that’s slightly offbeat, where you can customize everything, and if you want good food, drinks and service. If I could redo my wedding, I’d choose Ladder 15 a million times over again.

Dad Socks was a serious social butterfly throughout the wedding.  He made a point of going up to meet everyone and thanked them for coming.  Momma Socks also did a great job of meeting everyone!

That glass of champagne didn’t leave my hand the entire cocktail hour.  I didn’t even ask for champagne for our wedding, but I ended up being SO glad that we had it!

At cocktail hour, everyone picked up their escort cards, which had all of the fabric flowers pinned to them that Mr. Socks and I slaved over making:

A wonderful amount of people wore our little pins, too!  They made me ridiculously happy and proud as I looked over the crowd and saw how many people put them on!

Before cocktail hour was over, Georgi took some photos of Ladder 15 after it was changed from our ceremony area to our dining room!

The tables looked perfect.  I was a little concerned about the narrow space with the differently shaped tables, but really, it just didn’t matter.  I thought it looked cool this way and wouldn’t have it any other way!

All Photos by Georgi Anastasov

Our DIY centerpieces were great too–low maintenance, easy to set up, and produced wonderful leftovers!  I’ve kept ALL of the craspedia flowers from our wedding night, and they’re all around our house in those vases!  They’re perfect dried flowers, and they still make me cheery.  And I have about a bajillion votives left over too.  They’ll come in handy someday, right?

Mrs. Socks’ thought for the day: Attend your cocktail hour if possible and make your guest rounds during it. People want to see you, especially if you don’t do a receiving line (we didn’t). Plus, the sooner you do it, the more food you can eat at dinner and the more dancing you can do afterward!  Which, for me…was the whole point of getting married.

J/K Mr. Socks, you’re pretty awesome too